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What is self-love?

“Self-love” might take on different meanings for different people depending on the circumstances of their situation and what they need most at the time. Duke says that when we talk about self-love, we often refer to embracing and upholding psychological concepts like self-respect, self-value, self-esteem and self-worth. But ultimately, self-love revolves most around self-compassion: It’s the intentional choice to show up for yourself, support your needs and wants, and honor your limitations.

“I think there’s a real shift in psychology toward self-compassion and really being able to look at loving yourself and treating yourself the way you would your own best friend, and being able to really show up for yourself when you’re struggling or when things are not going your way,” she adds.

When you practice self-love, rather than imposing self-criticism, regret, shame or guilt or avoiding uncomfortable emotions, you’re choosing instead to focus on the opposite. You’re honoring the emotions you feel, even the ones that are uncomfortable. You’re participating in self-soothing activities, embracing helpful coping mechanisms and supporting yourself with a growing awareness that this difficult time, too, shall pass. As a result, you come to discover that you are not your own worst enemy, but your own best friend.

“Self-love is about replacing that harsh inner critic with a really kind and compassionate voice,” reaffirms Duke. “The ability to practice self-compassion is a really good way to define self-love.”